Full disclosure - I do not want to watch this film, Adam has the mask which scares me enough, and I do not want to watch this. Oh good the film starts with a man giving me a warning message! Also it’s 9.30pm - guess I won’t be sleeping tonight!
Art by Jason Edmiston.
Why is someone taking pictures of decaying bodies? I’m guessing the guy under the creepy mask is responsible for the grave digging!
The people in the van are an odd bunch, the one girl reads her star signs too much, and the guy in the wheelchair has zero filter - which I think will bring some comedy to the film! The hitchhiker is super creepy with his greasy hair, photos of dead animals and the fact he enjoys cutting himself with a knife and being in pain! Why the hell did he start a fire in the van?
So the group arrive at an abandoned house and go to explore leaving poor Franklin trapped outside who is fuming that they are all having fun without him! I don’t think the group splitting up is a good idea if I’m honest!
I said it was a bad idea - Kirk went and got himself smashed over the head with a hammer! The owner of this house needs to do some serious 'Hinching' because it is disgusting! Oh hun you shouldn’t have gone into the weird house, you have literally just been hooked up to watch your boyfriend get chopped up with a chainsaw!
People really need to stop going into the crazy mans house or they are going to die! Do people not remember the saying ‘don’t go towards the light’ - it usually means your going to die - they are going to die! Bye bye Franklin, he isn’t coming back after that! Her wearing white trousers was a mistake as she is not camouflaged at all! Surely the chainsaw must run out of petrol soon I mean he has killed 4 people already tonight!
That’s it she is fucked now she ran into a tree branch and knocked herself over! Oh maybe she is safe! Wait .... there is some dodgy camera work but it looks like the gas station man is in cahoots with the chainsaw wielding lunatic!
Oh the hitchhiker is back - I knew he was weird! The guy in the mask is a few sandwiches short of a picnic and the gas station man is defo the boss! This family is demented - how is that grandad even still alive when he looks like he has had the life sucked out of him! Did the cook just say stop tormenting her? I mean he would happily cook and eat her but obviously doesn’t like his food played with before he eats it!
So they decide in their wisdom to get the weakest person in the family to kill her - so far he has just dropped the hammer 3 times! I mean I know she just jumped out the window but she needs to run otherwise she is going to get caught by the greasy haired hitchhiker or the guy in fancy dress waving a chainsaw. The hitchhiker gets run over by a passing lorry and the driver becomes a hero by lobbing a wrench at him causing him to fall and cut his leg giving everyone enough time to escape - thank god cos her screaming is hurting my ears now!
Having watched the film it’s actually not that bad at all and I would happily watch it again!